Bonnie Meath-Lang, relaxing in Florida

The first question I usually ask people is, “What transition did you make in your life?” If you are using the word ‘retirement’, what does that mean to you?

After 40 years of teaching both theatre and English, working in theatre, and doing administration as a department chair and artistic director, I considered retiring. My husband, Harry, was seriously thinking of doing the same after his 41 years of teaching science and math education and that put the question before me. “Retirement” in my case meant retiring “institutionally”. I was in a full-time professorship at a university (RIT), full-time teaching, and I was the artistic director of the Performing Arts program at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf. Harry and I are both active people in our early 60’s, and have a number of friends who have retired and have been able to pursue their passions: their art, their writing, and their causes on their own terms. So this definition of retirement was encouraging, and comforting. We knew that our time would not be static or boring.

Why did you take this action? I know that this isn’t just a job change but a location change (for 6 months at least) and a lifestyle in general change!

Three years ago, Harry was diagnosed with prostate cancer. This just happened as we were prepared to take our first sabbatical in 20 years to do some research and playwriting. It was an aggressive type, and he opted for surgery. Thankfully, because of his spirit I think, he has come out of the experience very well. But, as you can imagine, it was very emotionally draining. It also made us appreciate all the more our deep friendship and our time together. A few weeks later, a dear friend of ours, one of Harry’s research colleagues, who is my age, lost her husband to brain cancer. Harry was already thinking about retirement in order to write, but I was not there yet. After these experiences, though, I was rapidly becoming more open to the idea of having a little more control of my time.

We went ahead with our sabbatical. A few years before, we had bought a small vacation condo in a very beautiful area of Florida. Harry and I are both really drawn to the ocean and the wildlife there. And, although I was born in the Finger Lakes area and spent most of my career in Rochester, I DO NOT LIKE TO BE COLD! That winter sabbatical in Florida was paradise. And that also gave me a nudge…

“How did you prepare for this change?” (mentally, physically, financially, emotionally..)

When we arrived back from Florida after the sabbatical, we were naturally thrown right back into the life we left, and that was good. I was supervising three student BFA directors, re-writing our theatre curriculum,  directing a big production of “Inherit the Wind”, and producing about eight other shows. Harry was re-writing classes, teaching grad school, and doing a ton of research. But we made a deliberate effort to carve out time to make some plans over the year.

Both of us being the kids of Depression kids and having no clue about money except to “be careful”, we asked a number of friends and found a great financial advisor. He works with a number of the faculty and staff at our school, so he knows the various plans, and he helped us immensely in understanding and setting up our own plan. I can’t recommend that enough—and I feel that personal recommendation is the way to go when trying to find a financial advisor—ask a number of people. A business professor connected us with our advisor, and we respected her judgment. It’s a “technical” issue, but it gave us more peace of mind in addressing the more spiritual aspects of retiring.

Professional preparation – I was frankly worried about the theatre program because I was so used to advocating for the arts at a technically-oriented place. As a result, I felt a bit guilty about leaving. But my colleagues are amazingly talented people and they’re doing absolutely fine, of course. I did, however, spend my last month before retiring pulling together a ton of historical documentation and policy work so that they would have everything at their fingertips. This made me feel better.

A year later, we informed the dean that we would take a retirement transition (one quarter off, two teaching, for up to three years). But after that first transition year, we enjoyed the time so much we decided that we would both fully retire and that happened last June. Our plan for now is to be snowbirds—stay up North from May to early November because we love late Spring, Summer and Fall, and then we get outta there before the snow flies!

What has been amazing so far? Any surprises? Had you planned to (or maybe you’ve discovered you have to!) change your outlook on things to accommodate this change?

It sounds contradictory, but I am amazed by the feeling of freedom I have in the morning—I wake up, and there’s no “list” in my head to tick through! I can take a walk, meet a group for tennis or exercise, chat over breakfast or watch the sunrise. Yet at the same time, we are NEVER bored. There’s a ton of theatre here that I am having the time to enjoy (vs. direct), and I hope to get back to my writing, drawing, and guitar, which I’ve neglected for years. We do some volunteer work, and are still engaged in a few projects at school.

It’s funny that we have not returned to our writing and done more creative work, but I guess you could call the first six months of retirement “the deferred maintenance period”. I swear, at home in Rochester all summer I was either at the doctor or the hardware store—you begin to notice things when you see your body and your house in the daylight hours!

One challenge for us when we are in Florida is that, unlike Rochester, there is not much Deaf community. But we have terrific friends here who make every effort to communicate directly with Harry (who is Deaf), and the interpreting is not a big deal for me. But Harry admits freely that this situation can be a little taxing. It just makes us appreciate our other friends more. Another challenge is that the politics of the South are somewhat alien to us, but again, it’s only for the winter, and we manage to find kindred spirits and the opportunity for some positive dialogue.

Thinking of those around you, (colleagues, family etc) did you wonder about how your decision would affect them? If you have noticed some impact (positive or negative) could you describe that?

I mentioned my colleagues before, but the truly toughest part of retirement for me was leaving the students and not teaching or directing. And, bless their hearts, they let me know how they felt about my leaving them, too! But the Internet, e-mail and Facebook have positively impacted my ability to stay in touch. I went to some of the tech rehearsals in the fall, I was in a student’s film over the summer, and I’m mentoring a Masters student in drama education over distance now. I exchange notes with current and former students every day, and that’s a wonderful way to ease the transition.

If you consider this to be a fairly big change in your life, how do you feel now about your ability to handle other changes yet to come?

I’m very new to this retirement gig, but I do feel very blessed in the support of a very communicative husband and good friends. Any challenge or change I have ever faced has been made so much easier by being around positive, caring people, who are willing to talk about their own experiences and share their wisdom. The great thing about retirement is having a bit more time to share our stories. It’s the best health insurance I know.

Photo taken by Jo in icy central Ontario

Recently I rented a car and travelled around snowy Ontario.

I visited two universities where my nieces are studying, my Father in his rural community and a friend with children in a small town closer to my home area. About 800 kilometres in total and well worth it! It was wonderful to catch up on news, listen to a variety of stories and check into the lives of those close to me to see how they are thriving. They asked me about my coaching work and were curious about what kind of transitions clients go through that would inspire them to seek out support. I replied generally that often their first concern is work (getting more done, earning a better income) yet often we branch out into a discussion that incorporates all areas of life and the pursuit of satisfaction and fulfillment. Here was my chance to ask my hosts, ages ranging from 18 to 80, about making choices related to work that can affect their lives.

“It’s a warning signal when you find out that you are preoccupied with being good at what you do, rather than doing what you are good at.”
This quote comes from a close friend who is taking a look at his work patterns. His message surrounds the concept of what you are good at is what actually inspires you. But if this is not your current pursuit, then you eventually realize you are working hard to fulfill someone else’s vision. This got me thinking about the beginning of adult life – how does a young adult know what they want to do? I hear stories about many college and university students who made a decision at a very young age regarding the track that would lead them to post-secondary and now, in the middle of an expensive education, are contemplating their choices.

I mentioned this to one of my nieces, who feels generally pleased with her path so far. She expressed to me what kind of careers her degree would lead to. I asked her: “If you created a list of criteria that outlined how you did your job, what would be on it?” We discussed being self employed or employed, one-on-one versus working with a team or large group, work in a large city or rural community and travel around or stay in the same location. What about the clientele? What age group? Their professions? How do you determine if your work environment is conducive to your values? “Make the job fit you”. Of course, to get experience, a person may have to accept the first position offered, but once that is on your resume, it may set you on a track that may not interest you. How can you switch paths when those who are hiring see one line of expertise?

In the weekend Globe & Mail, Leah Eichler wrote, in a column addressing women at work, an article titled :Recognize Career Regrets Before It’s Too Late. She quotes lawyer Jacqueline Chernys as saying, “Don’t try to fit into a box because it will give you a good career. Find your personality and then find the career that matches your personality”. As a coach, I explore with clients what their values are and they identify what areas of their lives are conducive (or not) to what’s important for them. The key, I suggest, is to be mindful of choices made along the way. There aren’t just practical barriers to making a change, such as mortgage payments or children need to be taken care of, but it can be emotionally difficult to shift out of a comfort zone. However, the growing anguish, over feeling tied to something we occupy ourselves with for thousands of hours, can interfere to the point that change may be the only antidote.
What if the path you are on doesn’t work for you anymore?

Personalities and passions change. In the same paper, I detected a healthy attitude in Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, 2002 Olympic gold medal figure skaters, in an article by Josh Wingrove, called, Ready to Put the Skating Behind Them. He quotes Sale, age 34, as saying, “I’ve been cold my whole life. I’m tired of being cold. I don’t like the rink anymore”. A metaphor for us mere mortals, I suggest! Along with other events, a recent low ball offer of payment for a tour seems to have melted their desire. “We were maybe a little bit scared at first, but we’re realizing quite fast that it’s quite comfortable”, says Pelletier, 37. “And I think we’re both at peace. If this is going to end, then I’m comfortable with that.”

In a conversation with Dad about transitioning jobs, he reflected on the turning points in his professional life (this includes many engaging projects and roles in his retirement!) and how to make that leap. Thoughtfully, he said,“It’s really about seeking out possibilities and then moving with them.” “Yes, but there must be a step before that – how about giving yourself permission to even look for these options?” I asked. We exchanged comments about the stages we think are involved in this process.

Awareness – something doesn’t feel right.
Permission – am I allowed to dream of other possibilities?
Curiosity – what am I interested in?
Research – finding out what is possible.
Confidence – being brave enough to take the leap. Turn down the noise of criticism.
Share – Find support since most change takes time to adjust. You will become different.
Action! Move on feeling in control of your choice.
Satisfaction – Enjoy it!

It is here that I will point out something wonderful my clients often show me. Sometimes you need to open different doors and let the light shine in on the possibilities. After lengthy investigation, you may not choose what you considered in Room #1. Is this a waste of time? Not at all. Finally an exciting idea can be put to rest which leaves room to decorate with new furniture and there is no longing for what was thought to be the ultimate arrangement. No regrets and you move on.

We certainly are not static beings. Change is scary and seems impossible sometimes. At one moment I may love my position and I feel satisfied. Then I feel what I fondly call ‘the winds of change’. My nose lifts into the air and I embrace the moving atmosphere. I feel strands of hair brush against my cheek. Hmm. I know something is coming. It makes me smile and deeply worries me at the same time. A nervous but excited feeling tickles the lining of my stomach. The beauty comes in realizing I have experience with this – I have always benefited from taking a hard look at where I am at and what is or isn’t working for me. The outcome is always fulfilling and I am learning to trust this. Trust. Listen to yourself. Maybe I should add that to the list above.

Jo Bennett – Life Coach

One of my favourite bloggers, Rachel Jonat theminimalistmom, started this month posting about ‘digital de-cluttering’. I replied to her post called “Using Facebook for Good (not Evil)”. Here is an excerpt from her story:

“Recently Daniel Gulati wrote a piece for the Huffington Post titled ‘Facebook is Making us Miserable‘ and outlined some of the same things I struggled with when I was a Facebook user. Daniel says that Facebook is a den of comparison, fragments our time and actual distances us from friends instead of bringing us together. I couldn’t agree more. What I disagreed with in the piece was that it is Facebook that is making us miserable and that as Daniel says, quitting Facebook altogether is unrealistic.”

Even though she has deleted her account, Rachel went on to talk about how we can manage our time on Facebook. I enjoyed reading her post so much, I submitted a note to her site.

January 6, 2012

“Facebook isn’t making us miserable – we’re making ourselves miserable.”

Happy New Year Rachel!

Yep, your statement just about sums it up!

Just yesterday I was listening to a colleague quite emphatically express his anger toward Facebook. “So limit the newsfeed, remove friends…” I suggested. He then began to express why he actually needs it.

You are aware of my minimalist tendencies so don’t be too shocked to hear I have 4 Facebook pages! I have three careers (hence my blog on minimalism from a self-employment perspective!) and I have a separate page for each. This is great for advertising my work, receiving professional notices and sharing pictures of mutually attended events. Although I consider FB to be social media for personal connections, I consider many colleagues to be my friends and therefore I use FB for interaction, rather than LinkedIn (which houses a static professional page on me and I use their discussion boards.) My fourth FB page is dedicated to family. Almost all of them live in different cities and countries so I am glad for FB to see pictures of their activities.

With four Facebook sites, I don’t consider myself a junkie – quite the opposite. It allows me to manage most of my work connections in one place. (Email is used for urgent communication and bookings, however) Now here is where my minimalist philosophy comes in – Notifications. I receive only FB inbox messages into my email program. No wall updates, photo tags or other activity buzzes me throughout the day. (As well, I don’t permit any games, quizzes or apps into my FB sites) I may go a week without checking into a FB page. I’m just too busy or I’m away from a computer to do so. I have a FB app on my blackberry but that only gets used to reply to a rare urgent inbox message. I just don’t need to check into the world’s activity that often! I will note here that I am reducing ‘friends’ on these pages and plan to merge a couple of them as I wind down some of my work. My life coaching ‘Gowlbowl’ FB page just allows my posting of interesting articles and my blog posts.

I am a tech person. Read one of my popular blog posts called “No gadget night”.  My minimalist approach is supported by my lack of paper in my life because I can do my school work on an Ipad and we read books on a Kobo. We have an Apple TV (no cable) so we tune into specific movies or shows when we want to. But once a week, almost all electricity goes off and we commune by candlelight. No lit back screens and even no music! We sit in one room, window blinds open to allow in city light while other rooms sit in darkness. We share over dinner and turn our brains off as we ‘listen’ to the silent flicker of the candles. We definitely sleep well on those nights!

It’s really all about balance, isn’t it? And doing what works for you.

Jo

Reply -January 9, 2012   theminimalistmom says:

You hit the nail on the head – it’s all about balance and finding what works for you. The best barometer for me is if I am happy with how much I check my email/accounts or if I am feeling a compulsion out of boredom/being unfocused.

Shortly after this meeting, I headed home. Snuggling into my coat collar, I was thankful for remembering to carry gloves. While walking from the streetcar, patiently pondering the details of my afternoon activities, I became distracted by the rain. It was not quite pouring but the drops were creating a distinct ‘popping’ sound on my umbrella. I paused to listen and the musical patter made me smile. Other than at the corner of Yonge and Bloor, (weather seems to enjoy the ‘all cross’ signals at that intersection ) I noticed that the wind wasn’t forcing me to grip tightly my portable overhead protection. It wasn’t even drawing a wet pattern down the exposed side of my coat. I looked up and observed the grey on grey clouds pressing past each other, like pedestrian traffic. Despite the chill, the air smelled warm, like Spring. Indeed, it’s a warm day for December 15th! Since I checked the temperature before leaving home this morning, I wore a warm enough shell that would protect me from the rain but wouldn’t cause me to roast in the subway. Like a kid, I purposely poked through the puddles collecting on the sidewalk, knowing my boots would keep my feet dry.

Now I am at my computer, meditating about the weather. Superficial I suppose. But the medium and the message mean something to me. Typing here allows me to reach out and drop a pin into the universe, to share my reflections. Even when alone, I can choose to connect.

Perhaps this is a reply – my drenched windows have suddenly become a kaleidoscope…the sun is saying hello!

As a fellow student takes me through an 'ideal landscape' exercise, I discover what holds meaning for me in my life.

Whoa, I am busy.

Juggling two careers while going back to school is definitely a test of my time management skills! The beauty of studying how to coach clients is that we often get to be coached, so we understand how the tools and strategies are received. As a result, although I am bogged down in the minutia of my day to day activities, I get time to float above my life and take stock of what I’ve done and where I am going.

To make room for my next set of assignments, I cleared out a journal that was about a quarter filled with notes from last year. One particular statement I wrote caught my eye:

“This is the time! The rearranging month. At first, exasperated – ‘I have to do something!’ Then a little fear – ‘I’m going to have to do something!!’ Now starting to get excited – ‘I get to do something!’”

It was last January and I was turning my attention toward education in another field. My message expresses the frustration of last year, instinctively knowing that something wasn’t quite right. I then gave myself permission to spend a lot of 2010 to investigate different possibilities. I spent several of those months looking at applying for a masters degree related to one of my current professions. It really was an exciting idea but for certain reasons, I decided against it. I do have a habit of saying out loud what I want to accomplish (this makes me accountable to my friends and family ) so I had to answer why I didn’t go the post grad route. The advantage of thoroughly investigating a potential path is to make a decision about it and therefore I could confidently explain (more importantly to myself) that it wasn’t the right thing for me at that time. Now I will never wonder ‘what if’ or have a regret about it. It freed up my brain and heart space to pursue something else.

So what to do next? This is reflected in the ‘fear’. “I still want to do something…I have to do something new or I will go crazy!” What came next into my vision was coaching, or at least something that resembled coaching. I had to find out more and what I discovered I fell in love with! Hence, my excitement continues to this day as “I get to do something!”. School is tiring. It’s tough being at the bottom of the learning curve again. But I have survived it in the past. I am an expert in some areas now. So who’s to say I won’t reach a level of mastery in coaching one day? I am determined to grow and connect and live consciously. Coaching so far is allowing me to do that and it feels good.

Another little tidbit I found in that book was a note about “Half hour GOs!” I smile at this because it is technique I still use today. Doing research (or any task!) can be daunting, especially if it will take several days to finish. Sometimes it just seems like too big a piece of food to bite into so I procrastinate. To make it manageable, I set the timer on my blackberry for 30 minutes and just GO until the timer goes off. I feel relief that ‘all I had to do’ was just that and I can run away from it! haha! Until tomorrow anyway. But eventually it is done and I feel great satisfaction.

I still express that my natural tendency is to put things off. I just don’t do that because I know how low I’ll feel if things pile up. Nothing feels as good as seeing an empty laundry hamper or a clean kitchen counter with nothing on it!
Simple pleasures

A new perspective (photo by Jo)

In class last week, we engaged in a variety of creative exercises to assist with our coaching studies. One morning we were handed a sheet of coloured art paper and a few pastels. Our task was to create the cover of a book we were going to write in the future about our past 5 years as professional coaches. Not only an excellent visioning tool to use with clients but what a great way to design our own future!

The title, “Broth, Soup or Stew – Where Are You?” came to me in the previous week when the term ‘soup’ came up a few times. Is a client comfortable sitting in their own ‘soup’ or is it slowing them down? When discussing scenerios that could be worse than soup, I said “they are stuck in stew!” Since clients come to us to accompany them as they embrace an exciting new path, I thought of broth as a healthy choice to sip on – or inhale in one gulp!

So as a coach, I ask: Where are you?

I love soup. On a beautiful autumn day, homemade cream of [insert root vegetable here] satiates my need for something comforting. I could improve the nutritional value by making soup with yummy lentils! (low on sodium of  course!) Regardless of content, we’ve all heard about soup being good for the soul. I’m gripping a spoon in one hand and the bowl with the other, head bent over blowing off the steam.

Some days however, I want to fill up on stew. Chunky ingredients stuck together with dumplings ideally, paired with a hearty glass of red wine.  I’m in winter now, lights out, the winds are howling and hurling snow at the windows. Candles are burning low and so am I. Sometimes it’s necessary to go underground and hide out. It may also become difficult to remember what life has to offer. I leave a light on at the door to remind me of the way out.

So what does a a simple, clear broth offer me? Not a lot of sustenance. Doesn’t support a spoon or even cling to it. Broth can easily drop in temperature. But since I can drink it from a mug, my hands can wrap around it to keep it warm longer. I don’t even need a spoon. If it becomes stale, I get up, go to my kitchen and reheat it.  Requiring only one hand to hold the vessel, I can transport it to a cozy chair by the window. As I pause to look out at the trees, I am mesmerized by the dancing colours. I look down at my broth and see reflections of my environment. This place makes the most sense to me.

There are times when we need to sit still. Hopefully, there are just rare occasions when we need to hide. For the creative, resourceful and whole human being, building momentum on our mindfulness allows for conscious appreciation of what we have and where we are going.

I think I just made myself hungry! Time for lunch.

What's up in the early hours besides me. (photo by Jo)

It’s 4 am and I can’t sleep.

I would usually hate this experience if I knew I had to get up in a few hours to go to work but it’s early Sunday morning – as a favourite chanteuse of mine, Irene Kral, would sing, “I’ve got a small day tomorrow”.

There is nothing in particular stressing my mind. My body processes my work load and sometimes it finds it’s way into my stories at night. No reason why my latest career pursuit would be any different… I watched myself going places and talking to people. However banal reliving my work may seem, I pause for a moment and smile at this tiny milestone – it was my first coaching dream!

So what else could be keeping me awake? I suppose devouring one (okay, maybe two) wedding cookies from Xoco Cava with my peppermint tea just before bed might have something to do with it. Well, if my body is going to remind me of such a delicious experience, then I guess I don’t mind.

So I’m awake. Usually if my mind or body disturbs me in the night, I think of a neutral, quiet place and I eventually drift off. For many years I would focus on a rock with water running over it, like it was sitting in a shallow sandy bed in a smooth flowing river. This past year I started conjuring up a place in the country that I have never seen but would build if I had lots of money. It would be a year-round home, small footprint, efficient and deep in the rural countryside. It’s sunny, and the trees are still. One wall, south facing, is floor-to-ceiling glass. Built on a hill, this looks out over trees as they recede from the property. There are counties to see for miles. Designed with an open concept, this window runs along side a kitchen and a bedroom with no door, just a wall to walk around. The rest of the place is a comfortable one-room living and dining space. There is as much outdoor footage as there is inside. Porches all around for all seasons – one with screens, one closed in, one open with a trellis for flowering vines to climb. All designed to invite living outside. In this fantasy there is absolutely no sound. Not even from my feet walking around. I meditate on this grand view. I love visiting, but my mind keeps bringing me back to my bedroom. I think I’ll get up for a bit.

The air seems to to be flowing a particular direction this morning. Usually our neighbourhood is a sheltered pocket from the major roads around us but it sounds like the highway has moved into our yard. I can hear a freight train – something that is several kilometres south of us but it’s horn and clackity clack is quite recognizable. They are comforting sounds actually. I grew up near a train track and I traveled on them frequently. This sounds like a long one.

So here I sit and type, hoping I’ll be sleepy soon. What comes to mind? A session I had with a client yesterday. I was asked about my current schooling and why I decided to become a coach. It was an easy answer. “Clients come to me because they want to get somewhere. They don’t know where yet but they are determined it’s going to be someplace wonderful!” Not prone to sit still, my nature propels me to take action in my life, however small. There is always something better I can do for myself. It is thrilling to watch people give themselves permission to seek a fantastic life and they ask me to accompany them. How great is that? Each session so far reveals a magical moment when something profound dawns on them. One client wrote out the word ‘exhilarated’ in relation to his plan to achieve more of a similar feeling he experienced during an event a bit too long ago. I watched his face light up. He wrote the word again in capital letters and underlined it with a flourish. EXHILARATING! Wow! Good lesson for me! Sometime today I seek a moment to feel exhilarated. I smile as I type this. I can’t wait to see what that will be.

*Yawn* My eyes are feeling heavy again. Good timing. I can hear that the train has passed, east into the sunrise. And so shall I. Good morning everyone.

One of the few objects that has followed me over the years (photo by Jo)

There is nothing like the universe coming together to provide an opportunity. Today, an assignment of mine was suddenly cancelled so my afternoon became free. I’d normally revel in a walk through my town but being a cold and wet day, I hopped on the tube and came home. Rather than get straight to work on various projects, I decided to treat myself to some fun and catch up on episodes of a favourite television show!

On the internet recently I tuned into the television series, Consumed with Jill Pollack. Families have their homes completely cleared out and they live for 30 days with the bare essentials. Then they return to their boxed up items in a warehouse and reduce a lot of it before bringing some things back home. Meanwhile, Darren Doyle builds architectural solutions in the home and Jill decorates to make it even more inviting to remain junk free.

I wrote about this show in my previous ‘clear space to be‘ post last month. I am inspired by the revelations of the families featured on the show! It all starts with host Jill stating: “It’s not just about getting rid of stuff..it’s about getting rid of bad habits. To have an appreciation for what’s really important.”

Discovery runs deeper than what is found in the closet - These folks are getting to the heart of their issues. “This space is crazy! Very stressful. It may be why I don’t sleep well at night.” One son cried, “What upsets me is that this is my parents house and this is how they live. This stuff isn’t who we are.” With laundry and toys piled on every surface, Jill points out that one family eating separately is an example of how they are living separate lives. “This stuff has created walls and they are drifting apart.” Ouch! But one by one, they all get on board and the end result is truly inspiring.

A particular theme Jill discussed was sentimentality. Just this morning I was conversing about this topic with a colleague who subscribes to my blog. She wishes her husband would thin out his collection of memorabilia. One ‘Consumed’ family member had a strong attachment to their past. I like Jill’s advice about finding a special way to honour those memories. In an HGTV video supplement, Jill conveys that “sentimentality is wonderful – just having the right place to put it is important”. I agree. Although I try not to keep tangible representations of the past, I digitize my photographs and keep them on the computer, select letters are neatly filed away, and a couple of favourite objects that remain are put on display. Jill demonstrates on the show how an amazing photo, properly framed, can be beautifully featured on a wall. That is a memory that can be appreciated everyday.

The topic of collections also came up. Jill is supportive of people collecting things if they receive emotional and monetary value, enjoy shopping for them and display them beautifully. But once you tell folks that you collect [insert word here], people start to buy them for you and then it’s not your choice anymore. This touches on a tricky subject that I talked about in my post ‘permission to receive less’. Many of us have been raised to give gifts and I argue that there are more meaningful ways to show that you care. Without the box and bow, it isn’t easy for some friends and family to come into contact and express their affection.

Finally, a key message many of my friends hear me say was echoed by one of the children of a family featured on the show. “I don’t think we really know how to organize our stuff. When we bring something in…to let something go.” Amen. When I come home with something new, I negotiate with myself and my partner what will have to be given away, donated or thrown out. I smile when I think of this – this summer I came home from working in Newfoundland with some beautiful local made pottery. (Alexis  Templeton)    Before I arrived I texted the message “what in the kitchen can we get rid of?” We had an extra tea set we weren’t making use of so I took a photo, put it on facebook and sure enough someone was pleased to make the set a part of their home.

I would love to know what strategies you use at home or at your office to keep organized and not to get overwhelmed with too much stuff! Please comment!

Joanna

Autumn colour - photo by Jo

September is my favourite month.

The weather is beautiful during the day and the apartment cools down at night. No melting in the oppressive heat with soft tar on the street sticking to my shoes. Air conditioning is turned off and the windows are wide open. True, I have packed away my skimpy sandals and white skirts. But it isn’t time for cardigans and corduroys. Not yet.

It is tough to ignore the ‘back to school’ messages telling us that summer is over. The evening air hints to the trees that it is time to shed their leaves. Once or twice I have noticed the scent of a wood burning fireplace somewhere in my neighbourhood. We have been conditioned most of our lives to buckle down at this time of the year and get things done. The new school outfit has already been worn. Conversations concerning Thanksgiving plans are taking place. Only (insert number here) shopping days until Christmas!

Life evolves and I can roll with it. It’s been years since I went to school but I have been back at it, with the goal of setting up a third career. It started with a passion - asking people lots of questions about what they are doing in their lives. I have annoyed some friends with what they jokingly call “Jo Bennett’s beam of light”! But others have enjoyed being seen and have shared secret thoughts about where they really wish they were at in their life story. From organizing a home office to realizing a life long passion, there are so many ways that a person can feel a bit more fulfilled in their life.

So this is how I stumbled upon Coaching. For quite a while I felt shy about telling friends and family about what I’d like to do. Being self employed in two careers already, there can appear to be a certain amount of patience expressed toward you for non traditional choices. And here she goes again! But here is the beauty about making this kind of transition – it is because of my own confidence in my ability to work hard, if I feel passionate about something, that has allowed me to go for it. I also choose to surround myself with amazing support. My partner never ceases to express how much he admires me for doing research, creating a plan and realizing a goal. I have friends and family that, although cautious, trust me to follow my path and to do good work that will pay the bills. Really, confidence and support may not look like much but wow, it really is the cornerstone to building a dream.

I don’t doubt that this will be hard work…it already is! My experience tells me that there will be many twists and turns along the way. Learning is a bit more complicated as I get older. I will say this – if I am going to coach clients, to ‘accompany them as they make transitions’, then I need to know that the tools I am taught and bring to the table are real and encourage the creation of possibility! It comes down to…if I can do this, so can you! Exploring and embracing change can be a wonderful experience. I imagined it, built it and now I’m walking through it. Wish me well on my journey, everyone!

a calm living space (photo by Jo)

I recognize that I like things. Shiny glass, strong wood, textured fabrics. My senses resonate with the things I can look at and feel. (I really hate not being able to touch art at a gallery but that’s a post for another day However, I also like clean, open spaces with little clutter. A friend recently asked me where does my minimalist self come from? Hmm…let me think about that and I’ll reply at the end of this post. Meantime…

On the internet recently I tuned into the television series, Consumed with Jill Pollack. Families have their homes completely cleared out and they live for 30 days with the bare essentials. Then they return to their boxed up items in a warehouse and reduce a lot of it before bringing some things back home. Meanwhile, Darren Doyle builds solutions in the home and Jill decorates to make it even more inviting to remain junk free.

Okay, I enjoyed every minute of it! As I expected, there is an adult that has emotional ties to their stuff (memories, keeps them busy, helps avoid looking at what is going on..) Jill made a great statement off the top about “clearing clutter leaves room to see yourself – past, present and future.” (It was interesting to see how the kids quickly embraced the idea) I knew how this story was going to end but it was fascinating to see the transformation be realized through various stages. Words were expressed by the families like empowered, less stressed, lighter, peaceful, happy, everyone smiles… “I don’t know myself” to “I hope we deserve everything”. Overcoming the emotional hurdle of letting go of objects full of memories. Bless one of the daughters for saying: “You don’t have to live with things to be happy. You can live with people”.

I often hear the word ‘overwhelmed’ – people are drowning in stuff but can’t face the effort (physical and mental) to get through it all. Hopefully for viewers who haven’t quite got to this stage yet will take a look at their habits and slowly make lifestyle changes so they don’t get ‘consumed’. Harder to back out of a overloaded state (stopping negative action). Better to just replace with positive, healthful choices and keep at it! Less work in the long run.

Another comment I heard on the show was a reflection of consumer habits. A Mom remarked about the amount of shopping that she must have done over the years (translate – spending dollars!) to accumulate boxes and boxes of clothes, toys and memorabilia. Something to think about. Goods bought and sold makes the world go around but I recommend getting what you need and not filling a space more than it can handle!

For some folks, their clutter may not be due to owning too much – some just need a plan to be better organized. Again, too much to think about! But if an hour could be spent every weekend just completing one project (add a shelf, buy some baskets, create a system for dealing with mail..) then slowly a house can become a home.

I need my space to be organized – I truly breathe better. So I know how good I feel in a home appropriately filled with just the right stuff. Now I’ll attempt to answer the question where does my desire to keep organized come from. Well, the obvious answer is I do something because it makes me feel good. But let’s dig a little deeper and do some math.

By living as consciously as I can, I evolve and therefore my tastes change. I don’t want to ‘make do’ with things that don’t fit me – from cups to couches to friends! So no looking back.

I surround myself with what is meaningful and works for me – a well turned mug by a local artist pleases me. I will eat at my counter until I can afford a solid dining table that fits. I invest in a positive support network. How about a career that turns me on? And love. Only investing in a relationship that fills me with light. What does this have to do with making an inbox for my mail and donating books? Haha!

I recognize that it has to do with control. There are many surprises in life – the number of deaths near me this past year attest to this. But the every day trips me up as well, like a big work load threatening to tip my desk. Or even something as simple as I can’t find my keys. What I can control is having a place for everything in my life. With not too much in the way, smooth surfaces let the air flow and nothing can block the light. When the big deals plop down in front of me, I have the energy to deal with them. No overloaded phone lines at home. A peaceful place and a quiet mind.