transitions interview #5

Bonnie Meath-Lang, relaxing in Florida

The first question I usually ask people is, “What transition did you make in your life?” If you are using the word ‘retirement’, what does that mean to you?

After 40 years of teaching both theatre and English, working in theatre, and doing administration as a department chair and artistic director, I considered retiring. My husband, Harry, was seriously thinking of doing the same after his 41 years of teaching science and math education and that put the question before me. “Retirement” in my case meant retiring “institutionally”. I was in a full-time professorship at a university (RIT), full-time teaching, and I was the artistic director of the Performing Arts program at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf. Harry and I are both active people in our early 60’s, and have a number of friends who have retired and have been able to pursue their passions: their art, their writing, and their causes on their own terms. So this definition of retirement was encouraging, and comforting. We knew that our time would not be static or boring.

Why did you take this action? I know that this isn’t just a job change but a location change (for 6 months at least) and a lifestyle in general change!

Three years ago, Harry was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

being good at what you do, rather than doing what you’re good at

Photo taken by Jo in icy central Ontario

Recently I rented a car and travelled around snowy Ontario.

I visited two universities where my nieces are studying, my Father in his rural community and a friend with children in a small town closer to my home area. About 800 kilometres in total and well worth it! It was wonderful to catch up on news, listen to a variety of stories and check into the lives of those close to me to see how they are thriving. They asked me about my coaching work and were curious about what kind of transitions clients go through that would inspire them to seek out support. I replied generally that often their first concern is work (getting more done, earning a better income) yet often we branch out into a discussion that incorporates all areas of life and the pursuit of satisfaction and fulfillment. Here was my chance to ask my hosts, ages ranging from 18 to 80, about making choices related to work that can affect their lives.

“It’s a warning signal when you find out that you are preoccupied with being good at what you do, rather than doing what you are good at.”

wandering views #3

From time to time I read, with interest, posts on other blogs and I comment. Some responses have turned out to almost be posts of their own so I thought to put them here.

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One of my favourite bloggers, Rachel Jonat theminimalistmom, started this month posting about ‘digital de-cluttering’. I replied to her post called “Using Facebook for Good (not Evil)”. Here is an excerpt from her story:

“Recently Daniel Gulati wrote a piece for the Huffington Post titled ‘Facebook is Making us Miserable‘ and outlined some of the same things I struggled with when I was a Facebook user. Daniel says that Facebook is a den of comparison, fragments our time and actual distances us from friends instead of bringing us together. I couldn’t agree more. What I disagreed with in the piece was that it is Facebook that is making us miserable and that as Daniel says, quitting Facebook altogether is unrealistic.”

Even though she has deleted her account, Rachel went on to talk about how we can manage our time on Facebook. I enjoyed reading her post so much, I submitted a note to her site.

let’s talk about the weather

While chatting with a friend in a coffee shop this morning, the topic of socializing came up, particularly how conversation flows with people we’ve just met. “You can quickly figure out who wants to engage in a meaningful – or at least interesting – conversation and who just wants to talk about the weather,” he said. I agreed, saying that either the interested person makes their intention apparent or if I drop an opening into the discourse, they can choose to pick up on it. Not to dismiss the value of talking about the weather, we concluded that sometimes we are just not in the mood to go deeper. “It really is a choice.”

Shortly after this meeting, I headed home. Snuggling into my coat collar, I was thankful for remembering to carry gloves. While walking from the streetcar, patiently pondering the details of my afternoon activities, I became distracted by the rain. It was not quite pouring but the drops were creating a distinct ‘popping’ sound on my umbrella. I paused to listen

looking back – looking forward

As a fellow student takes me through an 'ideal landscape' exercise, I discover what holds meaning for me in my life.

Whoa, I am busy.

Juggling two careers while going back to school is definitely a test of my time management skills! The beauty of studying how to coach clients is that we often get to be coached, so we understand how the tools and strategies are received. As a result, although I am bogged down in the minutia of my day to day activities, I get time to float above my life and take stock of what I’ve done and where I am going.

To make room for my next set of assignments, I cleared out a journal that was about a quarter filled with notes from last year. One particular statement I wrote caught my eye:

“This is the time! The rearranging month. At first, exasperated – ‘I have to do something!’ Then a little fear – ‘I’m going to have to do something!!’ Now starting to get excited – ‘I get to do something!’”

It was last January and I was turning my attention toward education in another field.

broth, soup or stew – where are you?

No, this isn’t a post about cooking.
Although, if food could be used as a metaphor about choice and the quality of the menu items we pick daily, then perhaps this is a recipe for discovery about ourselves!

A new perspective (photo by Jo)

In class last week, we engaged in a variety of creative exercises to assist with our coaching studies. One morning we were handed a sheet of coloured art paper and a few pastels. Our task was to create the cover of a book we were going to write in the future about our past 5 years as professional coaches. Not only an excellent visioning tool to use with clients but what a great way to design our own future!

The title, “Broth, Soup or Stew – Where Are You?” came to me in the previous week when the term ‘soup’ came up a few times. Is a client comfortable sitting in their own ‘soup’ or is it slowing them down? When discussing scenerios that could be worse than soup, I said “they are stuck in stew!” Since clients come to us to accompany them as they embrace an exciting new path, I thought of broth as a healthy choice to sip on – or inhale in one gulp!

So as a coach, I ask: Where are you?

a good morning

What's up in the early hours besides me. (photo by Jo)

It’s 4 am and I can’t sleep.

I would usually hate this experience if I knew I had to get up in a few hours to go to work but it’s early Sunday morning – as a favourite chanteuse of mine, Irene Kral, would sing, “I’ve got a small day tomorrow”.

There is nothing in particular stressing my mind. My body processes my work load and sometimes it finds it’s way into my stories at night. No reason why my latest career pursuit would be any different… I watched myself going places and talking to people. However banal reliving my work may seem, I pause for a moment and smile at this tiny milestone – it was my first coaching dream!

So what else could be keeping me awake? I suppose devouring one (okay, maybe two) wedding cookies from Xoco Cava with my peppermint tea just before bed might have something to do with it. Well, if my body is going to remind me of such a delicious experience, then I guess I don’t mind.

So I’m awake. Usually if my mind or body disturbs me in the night,

clear space to be – part 2

One of the few objects that has followed me over the years (photo by Jo)

There is nothing like the universe coming together to provide an opportunity. Today, an assignment of mine was suddenly cancelled so my afternoon became free. I’d normally revel in a walk through my town but being a cold and wet day, I hopped on the tube and came home. Rather than get straight to work on various projects, I decided to treat myself to some fun and catch up on episodes of a favourite television show!

On the internet recently I tuned into the television series, Consumed with Jill Pollack. Families have their homes completely cleared out and they live for 30 days with the bare essentials. Then they return to their boxed up items in a warehouse and reduce a lot of it before bringing some things back home. Meanwhile, Darren Doyle builds architectural solutions in the home and Jill decorates to make it even more inviting to remain junk free.

I wrote about this show in my previous ‘clear space to be‘ post last month. I am inspired by the revelations of the families featured on the show! It all starts with host Jill stating: “It’s not just about getting rid of stuff..it’s about getting rid of bad habits. To have an appreciation for what’s really important.”

Discovery runs deeper than what is found in the closet

my own transition

Autumn colour - photo by Jo

September is my favourite month.

The weather is beautiful during the day and the apartment cools down at night. No melting in the oppressive heat with soft tar on the street sticking to my shoes. Air conditioning is turned off and the windows are wide open. True, I have packed away my skimpy sandals and white skirts. But it isn’t time for cardigans and corduroys. Not yet.

It is tough to ignore the ‘back to school’ messages telling us that summer is over. The evening air hints to the trees that it is time to shed their leaves. Once or twice I have noticed the scent of a wood burning fireplace somewhere in my neighbourhood. We have been conditioned most of our lives to buckle down at this time of the year and get things done. The new school outfit has already been worn. Conversations concerning Thanksgiving plans are taking place. Only (insert number here) shopping days until Christmas!

Life evolves and I can roll with it. It’s been years since I went to school but I have been back at it, with the goal of setting up a third career. It started with a passion

clear space to be

a calm living space (photo by Jo)

I recognize that I like things. Shiny glass, strong wood, textured fabrics. My senses resonate with the things I can look at and feel. (I really hate not being able to touch art at a gallery but that’s a post for another day However, I also like clean, open spaces with little clutter. A friend recently asked me where does my minimalist self come from? Hmm…let me think about that and I’ll reply at the end of this post. Meantime…

On the internet recently I tuned into the television series, Consumed with Jill Pollack. Families have their homes completely cleared out and they live for 30 days with the bare essentials. Then they return to their boxed up items in a warehouse and reduce a lot of it before bringing some things back home. Meanwhile, Darren Doyle builds solutions in the home and Jill decorates to make it even more inviting to remain junk free.

Okay, I enjoyed every minute of it!